Lonely Birthdays
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Yanagisawa has many regrets, and he hates meeting up with people from the past -- but maybe there is someone who can forget who he was?


A/N: For Yanagisawa's birthday, since I love him so. I thought I should actually write him a nice story for once. I don't own prince of tennis, and all that.

**Lonely Birthdays**

Yanagisawa had plenty of days when he regretted having been such an egomaniac in junior high school; this had to be one of the worst, however. It was embarrassing coming face to face with someone who had met him back then, but hadn't seen him in a few years; embarrassing, because they didn't realize that he'd changed, and he could tell that they were still laughing at him even now.

"I remember you!" exclaimed the person facing him now. "We played against you when I was in junior high!"

"I remember," Yanagisawa said. He wanted to escape, but that would have been rude. He would just have to put up with the confrontation, and then retreat back home.

"You were the one who said 'da ne' after every sentence."

"Not every sentence." Yanagisawa resisted the urge to grind his teeth. "And my name is Yanagisawa Shinya, you know. You're the one who hit me in the face with the ball. Momoshiro, right?"

"Yeah, that's me! I never actually said I was sorry about that, did I? I really wanted to finish the game. I didn't mean to get you in the face."

"Yes, well."

"Have you given up on the 'da ne' thing?"

"A long time ago." Yanagisawa sighed. Why couldn't anyone understand that he'd changed? Yes, even he was someone that could change -- he'd been fourteen years old. Fourteen year olds have different views on the world than twenty-four year olds.

"You don't look very different," Momoshiro continued.

Well, that was unfortunate. Yanagisawa had changed in many ways -- but what irked him was that his appearance never seemed to. He'd matured a little, but he still had his somewhat unique features --

"I really have to get going," Yanagisawa said. "It was nice running into you though, I hope we can meet up again sometime."

"Do you live around here?"

"No. I live…far away." Yanagisawa didn't want to mention that his apartment building was across the street; he was afraid that Momoshiro might follow him.

"That's too bad. I just moved into the area. It would have been nice to meet up sometime, and talk about tennis, maybe."

"You still play?"

"Sometimes. You?"

"Once in a while." Yanagisawa paused. "I come here pretty often, so we might just bump into each other again," he said. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to run into Momoshiro again after all; and if he came clean about where he lived now, then it might save him some trouble later. He wasn't a cruel person -- he didn't want Momoshiro to hate him, or anything.

"It might be fun to play again, and I promise I won't get your face this time."

"That's good, because I don't think my face can take it," Yanagisawa said. "I'll see you around."

Yanagisawa's twenty-fifth birthday was a lonely affair. He didn't have many friends these days, since they'd all parted pretty much after high school. It was hard to keep in touch with people that he didn't have anything in common with anymore; hard to keep in touch with people who had gotten used to thinking of him one way, and treating him as such -- when all he really wanted was to start over.

He went out and played tennis with Momoshiro that afternoon. They'd been playing together often, since they'd met that day; Yanagisawa found that he enjoyed the man's company, once he stopped talking about the "good old days." It was actually a good thing that he hadn't really known Yanagisawa all that well -- he was willing to forget who Yanagisawa had been then, and willing to accept who Yanagisawa was now. Even if that meant that he was just a plain guy working for crap salary in a stuffy office --

Momoshiro was good company, and that was no lie; which was why Yanagisawa was quite upset that Momoshiro had informed him that he was moving away again.

"It's my job," he said. He actually sounded like he regretted it; Yanagisawa wasn't sure if that was true, or if Momoshiro hated him and was trying let him down lightly, like any of the polite people that Yanagisawa had ever known -- at least the rude ones had made it quite clear that they were trying to get rid of him, and hadn't let him have any illusions about them actually liking him.

"I might come back to the are sometime, though, and we'll have to play tennis again!" Momoshiro was eternally cheerful, it seemed; which was good the rest of the time, but not today.

Today, Yanagisawa had been hoping that he and Momoshiro could go out for dinner, or to a movie, or something -- even if that sounded entirely too much like a date (with a guy!) he didn't really care; he'd just wanted someone to spend his birthday with. He hated going home; his mother and step-father weren't very fond of him. His father was in the US somewhere, and it was a little far to go for one evening.

Yanagisawa was just damn lonely. He'd thought that he might actually have a friend to spend his birthday with this year, but his plans were foiled; it looked like it would be another birthday spent alone in his room, eating a whole cake by himself and getting utterly sick. It wasn't very fun, but it was his birthday, damn it -- he had to do something to make his life feel worthwhile.

It was just too depressing that he'd had more friends back when he'd been an egotistical asshole than now, when he'd tried to improve his personality -- why was he so damn lonely when he was actually a person worth spending time with?

Maybe he'd just skip the cake and go to bed.

Twenty-five years old, and he already felt old enough to crawl into a hole and die.

Yanagisawa didn't know what time it was when the phone rang. He was out of sync because he'd gone to bed so early, and his head was still spinning from the drinks he'd downed to help himself sleep.

"What?" he demanded groggily. He was definitely not in the mood for this.

"Yanagisawa?"

The voice was somewhat familiar. Yanagisawa thought it was Momoshiro for a moment, because that was the only voice he'd heard lately that might want to speak to him -- but no, it was someone else.

It was someone else from his past; someone that he'd known a little better. "Atsushi?"

"I've been looking for you," Kisarazu Atsushi said. "You're impossible to track down, you know."

"Why would you bother trying to track me down?" Yanagisawa demanded bitterly; forgetting for the moment his wish to have any company at all -- throwing caution out of the window -- he didn't want to be careful and beg for an end to the loneliness, he wanted to get angry and demand why no one was ever there for him.

"I knew that you lived in this neighborhood, and I thought that we should get together."

"What for? You're just like everyone else who lost touch with me on purpose. Why bother trying to find me again?"

There was a pause. "If you don't want to talk to me, then I can go --"

"No, wait. I'm sorry, but I've been having a miserable birthday." Yanagisawa finally consulted his clock and saw that it was only about seven o'clock; he really had gone to bed far too early, hadn't he? Maybe he shouldn't have asked for the day off -- he wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to Momoshiro, but wouldn't that have been better, anyway?

"You sound so bitter," Kisarazu said. "You used to have so much self-confidence."

"Wasn't that my biggest problem?" Yanagisawa asked. "Isn't that why no one could stand me?"

"I never had any problem with you," Kisarazu said. "Sometimes you annoyed me, sure, but it's that way with everyone. You were my friend."

Yanagisawa thought that might have been the first time anyone had ever said that to him.

"Do you really want to meet up, Atsushi?"

"I did, but I don't know if you really do."

It would be strange meeting up with him; ghosts of the past, and all that, but it had to be better than sleeping his birthday away wishing he was dead. Maybe this meeting would turn out poorly -- but a little bit of hope was better than none at all.

"Where would you like to go?" Yanagisawa asked.

Kisarazu hadn't changed much; he was still the nice guy that Yanagisawa remembered, only with a little more confidence, because he'd already established himself in the world. He worked at an office too, but it wasn't nearly as stuffy as Yanagisawa's; he had his own office, not a cubicle -- he had his own business, and business was good, apparently.

Kisarazu seemed willing to start over. He didn't tease Yanagisawa about the things he'd done as a kid; maybe he would one day, when Yanagisawa had regained enough confidence to be able to handle it -- if Kisarazu stuck around for that long, that is.

They talked over dinner at a nice restaurant, and maybe it was entirely to much like a date (with another guy!) but at least Yanagisawa was turning twenty-five with someone who actually seemed able to tolerate his presence.

"Why did you really look me up?" Yanagisawa asked. His mood had improved enough that he might even be able to handle the answer that Kisarazu gave him.

"I told you, it's been a long time and I thought it would be nice to see you."

"You didn't want to hear me say da ne and make fun of me?"

"You stopped doing that in high school."

Yanagisawa had forgotten that Kisarazu was the only one who'd known him for long enough to know that; Kisarazu was the last one he'd lost touch with. He seemed to remember now receiving a couple of letters that he'd never opened -- well, he'd been a fool. Was it too late to correct that?

He went out with Kisarazu a few more times before discovering that Kisarazu was married, and his wife was pregnant; that crushed a few hopes he'd been trying not to have, but he tried not to let that upset him too much --

Yanagisawa was prone to angsting these days, though, and he didn't really know how to stop himself from being crushed every time something didn't go his way. He had a friend now (a rich friend at that!) and he had something to do on the weekends.

Yanagisawa missed Momoshiro, though; the first person who had seen him for who he really was, and not who he had been -- well, Kisarazu had always been a friend (he realized that now), but he had changed from the person that Yanagisawa knew -- and wasn't it ironic that it bothered him, after being so upset that no one could see that he himself had changed?

Yanagisawa wondered if his loneliness would ever go away, or if he was destined to spend the rest of his life rotting away in his room.

Yanagisawa received a letter from Momoshiro a month after he moved away. His first thought was to tear it up without reading it; it had taken a long time to arrive, after all. He felt like an afterthought --

But he opened it anyway, and was glad afterwards, because it turned out that Momo hadn't been able to write before then because he hadn't been giving a permanent address -- and it would have been hard for Yanagisawa to write back to a hotel, wouldn't it? He said he'd wanted to call, but he hadn't asked Yanagisawa for his phone number before moving; he'd gotten the address, but he'd been so preoccupied with the move he'd forgotten to write down the number.

Yanagisawa forced himself not to wonder if Momoshiro was just being polite and if he really hadn't wanted to call at all. He decided to put his faith into Momo; as his friend, he decided to believe that Momoshiro actually liked him, and actually meant all of the things he said.

Maybe if he started believing in other people, they would believe in him.

Momoshiro called Yanagisawa as soon as he received the phone number; they made a date for two months down the road, when Momoshiro promised to visit.

He met Kisarazu's wife, and found her very charming; Kisarazu named his child after Yanagisawa, and made Yanagisawa his godfather. Yanagisawa was very happy, and even happier when Momo came to visit -- just as he'd promised.

Yanagisawa's loneliness eventually eased away; he realized that for others to care about him, he had to allow it to happen. He gained back some of his self-confidence -- but refrained from reverting back to his annoying speech patterns, except for the occasional joke.

Yanagisawa turned twenty-six with a group of friends, and never had to spend another birthday eating cake alone or sleeping his life away.


End file.
